Bogeyman's blues

Too bad you didn't answer your phone after I got off work. I guess you were asleep.

Anyway, I can't wait to show you this bruise I got on my upper thigh. It's dartboard-shaped. It's circular, blue ring around the outside, pink inside that, with a dark red bullseye.

Here's what happened:

Animal asked me if I could fill in for him while he went out for a cigarette. I agreed because he never lingers away from his scene long on break, I actually enjoy working his scene for him, and he's bigger than I am.

So I lunge at this group with the saw, and topple right over the rail head first. Through some miracle, I didn't smack my face on concrete. Apparently, where the bruise is on my thigh is still within my center of gravity, so I was able to snap right back up.

But now the hood of my nun's habit is flipped down over my face, rather than on top of my head.

And there's this group of people I was trying to scare watching this whole embarrassing thing.

"All right," I thought. "Now I'm pissed!"

I started waving the saw as frantically and psychotically as ever. No matter how stupid that group of customers thought I was, they wewre still very afraid of me. They ran off.

Pat, one of our security guys, saw the whole thing.

"You all right?" he asked.

"I'm ok," I said, "It's just my balls."

He looked at the floor.

"I think you slipped in that puddle of sweat."

And sure enough, the floor was streaked with the glistening moisture that poured out of the skin of a very heavy guy who had been waving the same saw minutes previously.

Now that I see the bruise, I'm really glad I hit the rail with my thighs before I hit it with my balls and fell over.